


Hermione's Counsel

by Rose_SK



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Custody Arrangements, Harry Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, M/M, Triggers, autobiographical piece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 13:55:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14045700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_SK/pseuds/Rose_SK
Summary: Where Hermione helps Harry through his anxiety.





	Hermione's Counsel

**Author's Note:**

> This is an autobiographical piece. Harry's thoughts are actually the thoughts that went through my mind when I experienced a panic attack not too long ago. Hermione's words are what I wished someone had told me when I was going through these phases of anxiety. And obviously, Draco's attitude is the attitude from my partner from my point of view. I actually wrote this as a therapy and to escape the anxiety for a couple of hours, and fanfictions make it easier for me to talk about my thoughts. This is not in any case a piece that is meant to point fingers at anyone, but rather to help myself (an maybe other people who identify with the situation) get through a hard time. 
> 
> This work is dedicated to all the people who wish that they had a Hermione to help them through tough times. And if no one has told you today, you are beautiful, you matter and your life is precious. 
> 
> Copyright: JK Rowling

“Hermione, I really need your help on this one, I just don’t know what to do anymore” Harry held the phone close to his hear and thanked Merlin that his best friend was not able to see the tears streaming down his cheeks and the red puffiness of his eyes. He also congratulated himself on his ability to keep his voice steady despite being close to letting out a loud ugly sob. 

“What happened, are you alright?”

“I can’t sleep properly, I feel sick and I experience these horrible shivers every now and again… you know, like regular shivers, but they give me pins and needles in my extremities. And I have this constant knot in my stomach and in my throat and… Hermione, I think I’m going insane…”

“Is it about Draco? Did you fight?” Harry felt fresh tears well up in his eyes and he had to concentrate to keep his voice steady. His fingers felt numb and his head hurt from all the crying, and somewhere in his mind a whispering voice was telling him that he was being silly to react the way he was. 

“Not exactly, we… He’s been irritable recently, and I kept asking him if he was alright, if I had done something wrong or something to irritate him and he kept saying no, and he would huff at me and roll his eyes whenever I asked him if he was ok and if he was ok with me. And when he came home tonight he told me that he needed me to show him that I loved him, but then back off and give him space… I don’t know what’s wrong, he doesn’t know what’s wrong and I feel like I’m doing everything wrong…”

“Right Harry, now please slow down. You are not making as much sense as you think you are. Are you ok, do you need me to come over?” Harry desperately needed someone to hug him, since Draco would not, but he didn’t want Hermione to see him crying or Draco to wake up and feel like he was the one responsible for Harry’s suffering. 

“No. I just need someone to tell me that everything is going to be ok for me and Draco...” Harry had to make sure he did not let his smartphone slip out of his hand because of how hard he was trembling. His heart was speeding in his chest and he felt the sweatiness of his palms. The tears did not seem ready to stop cascading down his face. 

“What has been happening in Draco’s life recently? Between you two, but also between him and his ex-wife, or his parents?”

“Well, things have been terrible for him recently. He finally managed to get an agreement with his ex-wife about Scorpius’ custody, and he sees the kid every second weekend and every Wednesday evenings. But the relationship between him and Astoria hasn’t been the best, although it’s not as bad as it used to be.”

“Maybe the fact that he sees his son so little is weighing down on him, Harry. He is probably sad but Draco being Draco, he won’t show it to anyone and he certainly won’t reveal his vulnerability to you, out of all people…”

“But I’m his boyfriend…”

“Exactly” Hermione said patiently, “and that’s why he doesn’t want to bother you with it. He knows you’ve been through a lot and that you are suffering from the consequences still, he probably feels like he needs to be the strong one in the relationship” 

Harry knew that his best friend was referring to his chronic anxiety that had developed since Voldemort’s death. Anxiety that he would return to finish Harry off, that he was not dead, that they had missed out a Horcrux. And Draco knew all about Harry’s worries and had supported him throughout the panic attacks and anxiety fits.

“I want him to know he can talk to me, though. And when he has Scorpius, he hardly even notices me. And I know it’s normal, but it’s not normal for me to be hurt by that. Hermione, I feel like the most selfish boyfriend…”

“Well, don’t Harry. Yes, you knew that being with a man who has a child would not be easy. But you still decided to give it a go, and you have done brilliantly well so far. There will be days when you’ll be jealous of Scorpius, but they will remain phases Harry because you are a selfless person and you have a heart of gold.” 

Harry wished he could believe Hermione but it was hard. 

“He will never love me as much as he loves his child. I will never ever be his priority” 

“Of course not, Harry. But he will love you intensely in a different way. A bond between a father and his child is different from a bond between partners. I’m sure that my parents love me more than they love each other. I think it’s just natural, a parent’s love trumps everything else. But that does not mean that Draco does not love you and that you are not important to him, do you hear me?” Harry nodded and not able to hold back any longer, he let out a loud sob and felt the pins and needles return to his fingertips.

“I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry, Hermione. I’ll be ok…”

“Harry, are you sure you don’t want me to come over? Or for you to come over here?”

“No honestly, I can’t bear to let anyone see me in that state… besides, I don’t want to alarm Ron…” Hermione was silent for a few seconds and finally let out a heavy sigh. 

“Look Harry, Draco will be fine. You just have to respect his privacy and give him the space he’s asking for and obviously needs. If you don’t, you will end up losing him for good because he will feel smothered. When you’re around him act like nothing was wrong, occasionally give him a kiss and then move away from him again. Like he’s told you, he needs space but he also needs to know that you’re there for him and that you love him” 

“How are you so smart all the time?” Harry asked with a smile, picturing Hermione’s cheek flush a lovely shade of pink at the compliment. 

“My intelligence comes from reading, but there are other kinds of intelligences”

“And you are brilliant in more than just the academic domain, Hermione. Thank you for being there for me. It truly helped.”

And in that moment, Harry knew that everything would be fine.


End file.
